Fifty Shades of Grey is the best-selling book you’re supposed to be embarrassed about reading on the subway, yet are expected to be familiar enough with so that you can launch into any kind of discussion, both pleasurable and political, at a moment’s notice. Stealing from the buzzworthy mom topic of the moment, Funny or Die uses former Disney star Selena Gomez to flirt with the unknown territory of house maintenance, while producing a slew a sexual innuendos that channel the racy tome and reveal her inexperience when it comes to painting walls. In “Fifty Shades of Blue,” Selena finds herself in the presence of Carl (Nick Kroll), who advises her on technique while the appropriate romance novel soundtracks further sets the mood. “He was introducing me to a whole new world, and I was ready,” she explains, staring longingly from her entry way. Wordplay with paint accessories (caulk) makes this rich in euphemisms, as do the conflicted emotions felt by our heroine (“I was nervous and excited all at once.”). While it’s all in a day’s work for Kroll, Selena will always remember her first. “I didn’t want him to go. I felt a pang in my stomach. I’d never felt like this about a man before.” But now Justin‘s officially of age! That can change.
So can we assume this means she’s a fan of the series? Selena has been steadily upping the adult content of her film roles and extracurriculars, but if parents feel disappointed in their child’s role model for acting more mature, remember, this is all about coloring her walls. As in, the actual structures in her home that separate rooms and protect her from the elements. All criticism and vicious outcries should be saved for next year’s release of Spring Breakers.
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